Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
Submitting! Very hard to do. The human ego is so filled with pride and self, it just refuses to submit. Only through the power of God are we able to submit to God’s plan for our lives. We have been so brainwashed by the world we truly have no idea of the extent to which we have fallen in our human natures. I am studying in order to learn how to submit each day to God’s plan.
Too often we substitute societal norms for the will of God. For most of history wives and children were expected to be in submission to the husband and father. This was God’s original plan after sin. This was for the good of humanity. Even grown, adult children, respected, submitted and gave reverence to the father in the Old Testament. This is very plainly set forth in God’s Word.
Yet, in today’s world, the devil has so turned the tables on God’s plan that it is actually against societal and “woke” norms for children to be under the control of parents. The devil wants your children. He wants to destroy the family so he can better destroy society and the world. He loves to see people suffer. Under the banner of “equity”, “integrity”, and “a better world”, he is destroying everything God has created and commanded for our good.
Few will be saved because few are willing to stand up against evil and submit to the righteousness of God’s plan for our lives. A plan that will only bring us joy, peace and happiness.
Ephesians 5:22 to Ephesians 6:24
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.
If you want to know how wives submit to the Lord, just look and see how wives submit to their husbands. People disrespect the Lord just as they do their husbands. Children disrespect the Lord just as they do their parents. Marriages today are all about “me” and “my rights” and “I want”.
For the husband is the head of his wife as the Messiah is the head of the church. It is he who is the Savior of the body.
However, husbands are to love and support their wives as Jesus loves and supports us. Jesus gave His life for the church. Are you, as the husband, giving your life for your wife? Or are you demanding, controlling and exacting in your management of your family? Are you the “savior” of your family? Or the destroyer of your family? Inmates have told me how much they love their children and wives. Well, if that were the case, they would not be sitting in prison. They would be out acting as the “savior” of their family by working hard to support them. No time for drugs, alcohol, women and gangs.
Indeed, just as the church is submissive to the Messiah, so wives must be submissive to their husbands in everything.
“In everything”. That is a tough one. Easy when everyone is doing their part. When husbands are loving their wives, wives will love their husbands, and children will be willing and delighted to obey the wishes of the father and mother.
It all falls apart when selfishness is introduced into the equation. When everyone thinks they have “rights”, there is no peace, joy or happiness. This is where our society has fallen down. The state has taken over as “daddy”. Now women can have children without learning submission and obedience. Children are raised without any examples of submission, obedience or love.
And then there is that “as the church is submissive to the Messiah”. Not much of that going on in our churches. Since the churches refuse to live in submission to Jesus by living the sinless, perfect and Commandment keeping life, why should the members live in submission as the Bible commands?
Husbands, love your wives as the Messiah loved the church and gave himself for it, . . .
Do we love as Jesus loved us? Is our attitude what it should be? Are we willing to live in obedience to the plan of God no matter what those around us do? No matter what the “wife” of Jesus, the church, did to Him, He still loved her. He gave His life for her. Are you husband, doing the same for your wife? Or is your “love” predicated on what you get from your wife?
. . so that he might make it holy by cleansing it, washing it with water and the word, . . .
Husbands are to cleans and wash their families with the water of Jesus and His Word. The Word of God is to be made the center of our family’s lives. But for that to happen, it must be the center of the husband’s life. He must be in humble submission to the Word of God. Morning by morning he must kneel before the Lord, quietly submitting every part of his life to the Word of God. Then, he will be able to bring the cleansing water of Jesus into His family.
The first understanding for this to happen is, we have no rights. The devil wants you to believe you have rights. You don’t. You are a created being. You exist at the pleasure of the Creator. When you recognize that fact you will live in humble obedience to the Creator. The wonderful aspect of this arrangement is, the Creator is loving, kind, powerful and giving. He wants us to be like Him. The power He offers us is to be used as He uses it, to benefit us as we are to benefit others. Love! To lay down your life, your opinions, your beliefs, your pride, your ego and your wants and wishes for the good of the family.
I would like to inject here a concept. Throughout the ages, because the husband and father had responsibility for his wife and children, it created within the father a sense of justice and right. Today, since wives and children can do as they please, husbands and fathers lack that sense of responsibility, justice and right. Think how quickly that would change if the father was financially and legally responsible for the actions of the family.
. . and might present the church to himself in all its glory, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind, but holy and without fault.
Our families are to be without spot, wrinkle or anything of the kind. That means we throw out everything that contaminates our lives and families with worldliness. We are to live holy and without fault. The less of the world we have, the less temptations. Instead of spending hours with “friends” who do not care about developing holy, sinless and perfect lives, we should spend that time with Jesus removing every wrinkle and spot from our characters.
In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself.
I have yet to see a man deliberately make himself cry. I’ve never seen a man deliberately berate himself to tears. Or physically abuse himself to tears. Are we really loving our wives as we do ourselves?
For no one has ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, as the Messiah does the church.
“Tenderly cares for it”. Not a lot of that going on between wives and husbands. Most care for themselves. And another thing, sex has nothing to do with love. Jesus loves us, but He has never had sex with us. You can love without sex. Love has to do with character. How you use sex will determine whether or not you have love.
For we are parts of his body—of his flesh and of his bones.
When a stream is dry it is easy to reroute it. Very difficult if it is raging. There comes a time when God can no longer change the character. The “raging” is too strong. How quickly we forget that we are the parts of His body. How we treat each other is how we treat Jesus. No wonder few will be in Heaven.
“That is why a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Years before the “uniting”, both are to be trained in Christian principles that will facilitate a wonderful “uniting”. If they marry without those Christian principles, uniting will be very difficult. Not much of becoming “one flesh” going on in our marriages. It has become more like two worlds cohabitating. Not much peace or happiness going on. It’s more like worlds colliding.
That leaving part: leaving mother and father. There is also the part of leaving friends, acquaintances, old flames and anything else that might come between the union. Most marriages today try to bring with them everything from their past. That baggage is bound to cut the knot that unites them.
This is a great secret, but I am talking about the Messiah and the church.
Uniting a man and wife is “a great secret”. It is a bond that few experience. Only through Christ can the “secret” be revealed and experienced. And it is no different than the uniting of the Messiah with each of us, His church. It is a secret that few experience. Why? Because few are willing to let go of the baggage of the past, friends, family and possessions and go to Jesus as a bride to her husband.
But each individual man among you must love his wife as he loves himself; and may the wife fear her husband.
“Must!” Bringing flowers or a box of chocolate every now and then is not “love”. It may be a kindness or sweet gesture, but “love”? Not many husbands love their wives. Not many wives “fear” their husbands. What a sad state we are in. Inmates with children will tell you how much they love their children. No, they don’t. If they did, they would not be in prison. They would take responsibility, holding down a job and supporting the children.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.
“Obey your parents in the Lord”. The key? “In the Lord”. Without the Spirit of God in the heart there is no peace. Without peace in the heart there is chaos. Where there is chaos there is destruction and murder. Everything that is “right” and good comes from God. The devil is working hard to introduce laws taking the disciplining of children out of the hands of parents. Children are not taught to “obey”.
“Honor your father and mother…” (This is a very important commandment with a promise.)
The devil knows how “very important” it is. He is working very hard against it. Yet, the world and even “Christian” parents don’t see how very important it is.
In this ministry I work with inmates who are the product of Satan’s efforts to destroy the family order. They come from families where the father did not love the mother or children. Or, there was no father and the street became the child’s education.
“…so that it may go well for you, and that you may have a long life on the earth.”
Only when it ceases to “go well” with us and our children do we wake up to the fact that we have been negligent in our duties as parents. To look upon a dead child is not pleasant.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up by training and instructing them about the Lord.
We need more of that. Training and instruction through personal example. Jesus is our example. We are to be examples to our children. Jesus does not provoke us to anger. He loves us. It all comes about through the instruction “about the Lord”. Awesome concept.
On the other hand, being provoked to anger because you don’t like the truth, that is another matter. The teachings of Jesus provoked the leaders of the church to murder Him. But Jesus didn’t do the provoking. As a matter of fact, it was the church that did the provoking and stirring up trouble.
Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear, trembling, and sincerity, as when you obey the Messiah.
Let us not be “woke”. Slaves were a part of life back then. But the principle is the same today, “Employees, obey your bosses with fear, trembling and sincerity”. The only “right” we have is the right to love, care and live in obedience to everyone, as long as it doesn’t break the Ten Commandments. That’s it!
Do not do this only while you’re being watched in order to please them, but be like slaves of the Messiah, who are determined to obey God’s will.
That is the problem today. We have not be taught how to be “slaves of the Messiah”. Therefore, we don’t know how to live in obedience to “God’s will”. So few will be saved. It is all about “me”, “mine”, “I”, “what I want” and “my rights”. Aren’t we a wasted bunch of humanity? I don’t see many in our churches being “determined to obey God’s will”. That word, “determined” is missing from most churches. Most Christians are just plan wishy-washy.
Serve willingly, as if you were serving the Lord and not merely people, . . .
We really need to study the Bible to learn how to “serve willingly”. I think that if more attention was placed on studying the life of Christ we would learn how to serve as Jesus served His Father: unto death!
. . . because you know that everyone will receive a reward from the Lord for whatever good he has done, whether he is a slave or free.
When I share with people that our eternal life is “earned”, they just can’t wrap their minds around that concept. Why? Because the churches are not of God. They are not teaching their members “that everyone will receive a reward from the Lord for whatever good he has done. . .”. That sounds like “earned” to me. Your thoughts?
Masters, treat your slaves the same way. Do not threaten them, for you know that both of you have the same Master in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
A lot of “threatening” goes on in our families and marriages today. The Love of Jesus is very rare. I’m still learning how to love as Jesus loved. I look at my life and weep because I am not worthy of the Love of Jesus. And yet, His grace, mercy and love has provided me a wonderful life I don’t deserve.
In the world today, DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) is very important. The “Woke” mob thinks that by dividing people and spreading hate between the races, sexes and nationalities that the world will become more loving. Jesus had the right idea, “there is no favoritism with Him”.
Finally, be strong in the Lord, relying on his mighty strength.
“Relying on His mighty strength.” I think too many are trying to be strong in their own human power. Like a boy trying to pull a locomotive. The engineer is standing in the cab shaking his head hoping the boy will get out of the way so he can turn on the steam and move the train. We really do need to get out of the way and just hop on board. We may have to shovel coal into the fire, but let God do the driving.
Put on the whole armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the devil’s strategies.
Not much of that going on. I have this feeling that most Christians don’t like being encumbered by the “armor of God”. I think most feel it keeps them from having a “good” time in this world. They only want to pick up bits and pieces of it as it suits their wants. We really need to “put on the whole armor of God”. Then again, I suppose that is why we are not able to “stand firm against the devil’s strategies”. The churches are not teaching their people how to live with the whole armor of God. The armor has been laid down and the devil has walked right in.
For our struggle is not against human opponents, but against rulers, authorities, cosmic powers in the darkness around us, and evil spiritual forces in the heavenly realm.
This is most difficult for us humans to understand. Without a very close connection with Heaven, it is easy for us to get caught up in politics. I peruse the news and commentaries to see the prophecies of the Bible coming into focus. However, it can be hypnotizing and destructive. On the one hand, I want to know what is going on so I can share with people how prophecy and worldly events are marching side by side in today’s world. On the other hand, I have to be very carefully that I don’t get caught up in the emotion of politics. Fine line.
The physical politics taking place is simply the outworking of the “rulers, authorities, cosmic powers in darkness around us evil spiritual forces in the heavenly realm”. All Heaven and the forces of evil are in a battle. The devil wants to control the world. We see that taking place with the Democratic party in the USA, the Communist dictatorships and the Socialist countries. Since America was set up by God in order for God’s truths to be disseminated around the world, the devil is fighting hard to destroy the freedoms of the United States of America; especially our freedom to speak.
For this reason, take up the whole armor of God so that you may be able to take a stand whenever evil comes. And when you have done everything you could, you will be able to stand firm.
We are to stand on two fronts. The first is spiritually. We must make sure we are living the perfect, sinless and Commandment keeping life. By doing so, our influence will hold back much of the tide of evil. The second is to actually “take a stand whenever evil comes”. That means doing what we need to do physically to take a stand against laws that would take away our freedoms to disseminate God’s truth. This is not a physical fight, but a spiritual fight. Who do you associate with? Who do you agree with? Where are your priorities?
Stand firm, therefore, having fastened the belt of truth around your waist, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and being firm-footed in the gospel of peace.
Standing firm takes guts. Few Christians have guts. “Being firm-footed in the gospel of peace” is not something most church-going people want to do. Standing firm in peace is an oxymoron. Jesus stood firm, but never hurt anyone. His character was firmly set to live in obedience to God’s law. But He never used that firmness to hurt a single person.
In addition to having clothed yourselves with these things, having taken up the shield of faith, with which you will be able to put out all the flaming arrows of the evil one, . . .
1. Shield of faith. Faith has to do with action, like being faithful. If we are faithful in living the perfect, sinless and commandment keeping life we will put out all the flaming arrows that come against us. As the flaming arrows come against us, we douse them with the Water of Truth.
. also take the helmet of salvation . . .
2. Helmet of salvation. That has to do with our heads. What do we have in our heads? Eyes, mouth, ears and a brain. That “helmet” is to keep out of our eyes, mouth, ears and brain anything that would hinder our salvation growth. Or, it is only to allow in that which will enhance our salvation growth.
. . . and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
3. Sword of the Spirit. In battle, the most important tool is the “sword”. In modern day understanding, a weapon such as a gun of some kind. Having a helmet or shield will not do you much good if you are not able to fight. And yet, that most important piece of military weaponry is seldom used by Christians.
In the military, hours, days and weeks are spent training to use the weapons of war. A helmet can be slapped on at a moments notice, not much training needed for that. A shield or body army can also be put on quickly without much training. But weapons must be used with an expertise which only hours and hours of training can provide. Yet how few Christians spend hours and hours reading and studying their Bibles from cover to cover. Some churches, denominations and pastors believe that only a portion of the Bible is necessary. That would be the same as saying only a portion of a weapon is needed. Real difficult shooting a rifle without a trigger mechanism, etc. I think you get the point.
Pray in the Spirit at all times with every kind of prayer and request.
Having spent three years in the military, I can assure you that our objective would be very difficult to achieve without requests going back to headquarters for what we needed to carry out our mission. As we come up against the enemy, we need to pray for what we need to defeat the enemy. Maybe few know who the enemy is or don’t want to fight the enemy. We need to know what side we are on and what we need to fight a winning war.
Likewise, be alert with your most diligent efforts and pray for all the saints.
If you were caught sleeping on your post of duty, or not paying attention, you could be court-martialed and shot. We must be diligent in our war efforts and encourage all the saints in their war efforts. Encouragement goes a long way in winning wars.
Pray also for me, so that, when I begin to speak, the right words will come to me. Then I will boldly make known the secret of the gospel, . . .
Pray for me! I need your prayers. I need your prayers so that when I begin to write and put information up online that the right words will come to me. I want to boldly make known the secret of the gospel. What was that secret? The gospel started in the Garden of Eden just after Adam and Eve sinned. They were promised a Savior. Paul was now making known that secret, Jesus was the long, looked-for Messiah. He was the greatest secret ever made known.
. . . for whose sake I am an ambassador in chains, desiring to declare the gospel as boldly as I should.
Yes he was. We are all to be “ambassadors” for Jesus. We must declare the gospel boldly. Jesus declared the gospel boldly. No, it wasn’t about Himself? No! “And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom.” Matthew 9:35. And what did Jesus teach?
1) Stop sinning. John 8:11
2) Be perfect. Matthew 5:48
3) Keep the Ten Commandments to get your eternal life. Matthew 19:17
So that you may know what has happened to me and how I am doing, Tychicus, our dear brother and a faithful minister in service to the Lord, will tell you everything. I am sending him to you for this very reason, so that you may know how we are doing and that he may encourage your hearts.
Paul never thought of himself. He didn’t send Tychicus to give a pooh-hooh story about himself. He was sent to “encourage your hearts”. I’m trying very heard to follow his example. After all, He was simply following the example of Jesus. How selfish the world has become today.
May peace and love, with faith, be with the brothers, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus, the Messiah!
May grace be with all who sincerely love the Lord Jesus, the Messiah!
That is my prayer for each of you. I love all of you. I pray for each of you throughout the day. The battle is hard and close in. We cannot give up.
INMATE LETTERS
Dear Ronald,
I am writing this letter to request a copy of “Change Your Life Biblically”. I’m cellmates with Gregory and he recommended this book. I really never have been spiritual and don’t know how to read the Bible or pray. I’m 57 years old. It seems when I pray and ask for something, the opposite happens. I’m here in jail and it is my first time arrested. I’m looking for direction and help. I need Jesus in my life.
David, CA
Hello,
Thank you for the help to help me change and get closer to God. This is my 3rd time down and I’ve been doing it my way my whole life. I’m always in jail, dealing with the law or hurting my family and love ones. So I’m ready to really change and be good for a change. I will spread the word and give people the “Change Your life Biblically” flyers to join the study.
Milton, TX
Brother Ron,
Let me start off by saying it was truly a blessing to read your story. God blessed you in a mighty way. Sad to say, I’ve been doing time since I turned 18. I am ready to turn over a new leaf. I know only with God in my life this is possible. When I get out from prison I start using drugs again and I don’t want to be one of the ones that find God in here then leave and forget all about Him. But sad to say, that’s what happens when I get out. My prayer is that I find God this time and truly listen to His word. I know I will enjoy reading your book.
Fabian, NM
Howdy Folks,
I was hoping to get your Bible study again. I went to segregation for a minute and when I got back to my property, both of my Bibles were missing as well as my Bible study stuff. I’ve been requesting the chaplain to send me one, but I have not had much luck.
Kenny, OR
JCPM,
I had just read Johns story in the newsletter that was sent to a fellow inmate here. 6 months ago I finally figured out what was missing from my life. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I would like to inquire in how I can receive your newsletter and the book, “Change Your Life Biblically”. Thank you in advance for the work you do through Christ.
Patrick, WV
Dear Ronald,
I’m writing you to let you know that I received your booklet from JCPM. I was sitting in my cell during a count time and the C/O was passing out mail and it was slid in my door, addressed to me. I was trying to figure out who was sending me this booklet and I couldn’t figure out, so I said that I was going to read your booklet and started. I couldn’t seem to put it down and when I got done with it, it was 2 am. I then prayed to God and thanked him for giving the booklet to me. I am waiting to go out to have a back surgery for my 4th time. I keep losing feeling in my leg. I was scared, and then I read your booklet. I thought about how Jesus said I needed to hear your story and how you never gave up. I just wanted to say, “Thank you”. And to let you know I get up and push myself every day and tell others who ask me that God let me get up and walk today. So, I am great. I want to learn more about my Savior Jesus.
Jacob, MI
Hey Ron,
Your story was very inspirational for me. I have recently dedicated my life to seeking first the Kingdom of God. I had the strong desire for a good Bible study. I too put emphasis on my following Jesus’ teachings. That is the only thing that has placed me in a good mind frame. Every time I try to depend on my own devices and understanding, I fail. I appreciate you reaching out and thank God for whatever put it on your heart to send me the pamphlet. I will be waiting patiently for “Change Your Life Biblically”. Your story moved me to tears when I heard your trial and tribulations. I commend you for keeping the faith through such ordeals. That is also inspirational.
Derek, TX
TESTIMONY FOR GOD’S CHILDREN
My Dear Family,
Self-Exaltation
Dear Brother (Church Member),
In my last vision your case was presented before me. I was shown that there are defects in your Christian character that must be overcome before you can perfect holiness in the fear of the Lord. You love the truth, but you need to be sanctified by it. You are not selfish nor niggardly in hospitality or in sustaining the cause of truth; but there is one kind of selfishness which exists in your heart. You are wedded to your own opinion and extol your own judgment above that of others. You are in danger of exalting yourself above your brethren. You are exacting and are inclined to carry out your own ideas, independent of your brethren, because you consider your intelligence and experience superior to theirs. In this you fail to carry out the apostle’s injunction: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” You have your notions, your purposes, and your plans, and you imagine they can never be incorrect.
In your household you have always taken too much of the management upon yourself. When your opinions or plans have been crossed, instead of conceding to, or compromising with, those who opposed you, considering that they as well as yourself had a right to their independent judgment, you have felt vexed and hurt. You could not endure that your family should call your plans in question or offer suggestions differing from your opinions. In consequence of this unpleasant state of affairs your family have usually submitted their wishes to yours, and allowed you to have your own way, in order to preserve harmony at home. Therefore there has been in your family much long-suffering, much patient indulgence of your whims. This appears to you only a proper observance of your legitimate authority; you consider it sound and correct management on your part.
Whenever your determination to carry out your own judgment at all hazards has driven your friends to the opposite extreme and to feel contempt for your arbitrary spirit, you have felt and intimated that all such opposition was instigated by the temptations of the enemy. This has made you more persistent in carrying out your own ideas, regardless of the wishes of others.
You are in danger of having trouble because you are unwilling to grant liberty of judgment and opinion to those connected with you. It is well for you to remember that their ways and their opinions may be as dear to them as yours are to you. We are very apt to lose sight of this fact when we censure others for not agreeing with us. You govern the members of your family too rigidly. You are very punctilious in giving them line upon line and precept upon precept; and if they venture to differ with you, it only renders you more determined to act according to your own mind, and to show that you are master in your own house, and that you are not to be interfered with.
You seem to consider that it is enough for you to say that a thing must be done in order to have it done in the very manner you indicate. In this arbitrary way you often place your mind and judgment between your family and their own good sense of what is right and proper under the circumstances. You have made a sad mistake in breaking down the will and judgment of your wife, and requiring her to unquestionably yield to your superior wisdom or bring discord into the home.
You should not seek to rule the actions of your wife, or treat her as a servile dependent. Never lift yourself above her, and excuse yourself by thinking: “She is inexperienced and inferior to me.” Never seek to unreasonably bend her will to yours, for she has an individuality that can never be merged in yours. I have seen many families shipwrecked through overmanagement on the part of their head, whereas through consultation and agreement all might have moved off harmoniously and well.
My brother, you are self-conceited. You go out of your proper province in order to exercise your authority. You imagine that you understand the best way of doing the work in your kitchen. You have your own peculiar ideas of how everything should be done in the working department, and you expect all to adapt themselves like machinery to these ideas and observe the particular order that pleases you.
These efforts to bring your friends into a position where they will meekly yield every wish and inclination to your will are vain and futile. All minds are not molded alike, and it is well that it is so, for if they were exactly similar, there would be less harmony and natural adaptability to each other than now. But we are all represented as being members of the body, united in Christ. In this body there are various members, and one member cannot perform exactly the same office as another. The eyes are made for seeing, and in no case can they perform the work of the ears, which is that of hearing; neither can the ears take the place of the mouth, nor the mouth perform the office of the nose. Yet all these organs are necessary to the perfect whole and work in beautiful harmony with one another. The hands have their office, and the feet theirs. One is not to say to the other, “You are inferior to me;” the hands are not to say to the feet, “We have no need of you;” but all are united to the body to do their specific work and should be alike respected, as they conduce to the comfort and usefulness of the perfect whole.
We cannot all have the same minds nor cherish the same ideas; but one is to be a benefit and blessing to the other, that where one lacks, another may supply what is requisite. You have certain deficiencies of character and natural biases that render it profitable for you to be brought in contact with a mind differently organized, in order to properly balance your own. Instead of superintending so exclusively, you should consult with your wife and arrive at joint decisions. You do not encourage independent effort on the part of your family; but if your specific directions are not scrupulously carried out, you too frequently find fault with the delinquents.
Were your wife and other members of your family without tact or skill, you would be more excusable in taking the reins so entirely into your own hands; but this not being the case, your course is altogether unwarrantable. After you have kindly informed them concerning your views of cooking and the management of household matters, and intimated what your desires are in this respect, go no further, but let them use your suggestions as they choose. They will be much more likely to be pleasantly influenced to please you than if you resorted to peremptory measures. And even if they do not adapt themselves to your opinions, do not persist in ruling, in having everything done in your own way. You must remember that the natural independence of others should be respected. If your wife does her work in a way convenient to herself, you have no right to interfere with her affairs and fret and burden her with your many suggestions and reflections upon her management.
You have many good and generous traits of character. You are a courteous, affable man, in general, to those outside your own family. Perhaps this is attributable, in some measure, to the fact that you dare not exhibit your natural disposition to any except those whom you consider greatly your inferiors. If your superiority is not sufficiently recognized in society, you are determined that it shall be at home, where you think that none will presume to dispute its claims.
You should go diligently about effecting a change in yourself. If you are willing to sacrifice your selfishness, your exacting disposition, your pet notions and ideas, you can have a peaceful, happy home upon which angels will delight to look. Is it sweeter to have your will than to see a proper freedom of action and spirit in your household? Your home is not always just what it should be, but you are the principal cause of its discord. If you stand as a representative of Christ upon the earth, do not, I beseech you, misrepresent your blessed Redeemer, who was meek and kind, gentle and forgiving.
It is a fact well worth your consideration that it is a difficult thing for people who have sound minds and ideas of their own, to work precisely in the groove that another may lay out for them. Therefore you have no moral right to embarrass your wife and family with your whims and petulant notions concerning their employment. It will be hard for you to at once change your mode of operation, but make a firm determination that you will not enter your kitchen unless it be to encourage the efforts and praise the management of those who are laboring there. Let commendation take the place of censure.
Cultivate traits of character the opposite of those which are here reproved. Seek to develop goodness, patience, love, and all the graces which will have a transforming influence in your home and will brighten the lives of your family and your friends. Confess that you have done wrong, and then turn squarely about and strive to be just and right. Do not endeavor to make your wife a slave to your will, but by kindness and an unselfish desire to promote her comfort and happiness draw her into close sympathy with yourself. Give her an opportunity to exercise her faculties, and do not try to warp her mind and mold her judgment till she loses her mental identity.
She is a child of God and a woman of fine capabilities and good taste, one who has a humble opinion of herself at best. And you have so long dictated to her and discouraged her independent thought that it has had an influence to make her shut herself within herself and fail to develop the noble womanhood that is hers by right. While consulting with your wife upon matters that affect her interests equally with your own, you well know that if she expresses an opinion contrary to yours, a feeling of injury rises in your heart, and self takes possession of you and excludes that feeling of deference that you should naturally cherish toward the companion of your life.
The very same spirit that you exercise at home will be manifested more or less in your church relationship. Your determined will, your rigid opinions, will be urged and made a ruling power as far as possible. This will never do; you must feel the necessity of occasionally yielding your judgment to that of others, and not persist in your way to a degree that often approaches stubbornness. If you wish for the daily blessing of God you should modulate your imperious disposition and make it correspond to the divine Pattern.
You frequently grieve your wife unconsciously to yourself because you do not guard your words and acts with that tenderness that you should. You thus lessen her love for you and foster a coldness that is creeping into your home unawares.
If you will think less of yourself and more of the treasures in your household, giving due consideration to the members of your family and allowing them a proper exercise of their individual judgment, you will bring a blessing upon yourself and them, and will increase the respect they feel for you. 4T 131.1 You have been inclined to look with a sort of contempt upon your brethren who were faulty, and who, because of their natural temperament, found it hard to overcome the evils that beset them. But Jesus pities them; He loves them and bears with their infirmities even as He does with yours. You do wrong to exalt yourself above those who are not so strong as you are. You do wrong to shut yourself up in a self-righteous spirit, thanking God that you are not like other men, but, that your faith and zeal exceed those of the poor, feeble ones striving to do right under discouragements and darkness.
Angels from a pure and holy heaven come to this polluted world to sympathize with the weakest, the most helpless and needy, while Christ Himself descended from His throne to help just such as these. You have no right to hold yourself aloof from these faltering ones, nor to assert your marked superiority over them. Come more in unison with Christ, pity the erring, lift up the hands that hang down, strengthen the feeble knees, and bid the fearful hearts be strong. Pity and help them, even as Christ has pitied you.
You have desired to do a work for the Master. Here is work for you to do that will be acceptable to Him—the very work that angels are engaged in carrying forward. You may be a colaborer with them. But you will never be called to preach the word to the people. You may have in general a correct knowledge of our faith, but you lack the qualifications of a teacher. You have not the faculty of adapting yourself to the needs and ways of others. You have not sufficient volume of voice. Even in conference meetings you speak too low to be heard by those assembled. You are also, my dear brother, frequently in danger of being tedious. Even in small meetings, your remarks are too lengthy. Every word of what you say may be true, but in order to find its way to the soul it should be accompanied with a fervor of spiritual power. What we say should be right to the point and not of sufficient length to weary the listeners, else the subject matter will find no lodgment in their hearts.
There is plenty of work for all to do. You, my dear brother, can with all safety do good service for the Lord in helping those who most need aid. You may feel that your work in this direction is not rightly appreciated; but remember that our Savior’s work was also lightly considered by those whom He benefited. He came to save those who were lost, but the very ones whom He sought to rescue refused His help and finally put Him to death.
If you fail ninety-nine times in a hundred, but succeed in saving the one soul from ruin, you have done a noble deed for the Master’s cause. But to be a co-worker with Jesus, you should have all patience with those for whom you labor, not scorning the simplicity of the work, but looking to the blessed result. When those for whom you labor do not exactly meet your mind, you often say in your heart: “Let them go; they are not worth saving.” What if Christ had treated poor outcasts in a similar manner? He died to save miserable sinners, and if you work in the same spirit and in the same manner indicated by the example of Him whom you follow, leaving the results with God, you can never in this life measure the amount of good you have accomplished.
You are inclined to reach for higher work than that which naturally presents itself to you. You would seek to influence only the intellectual and honorable among men. But this class will surely disappoint your expectations. If they continue long in transgression, they seldom fully feel their lost and hopeless condition. You should work, as did Christ, in all humility, and you will not lose your reward. It is as honorable to work among the humble and lowly, leading them to the Saviour, as among the rich and great. Above all, do not undertake responsibilities that you are unable to carry.
Everything possible should be done to make the meetings of our people interesting. You may be a great help in this if you take the proper course. Especially should our social meetings be properly conducted. A few pointed words in relation to your progress in the divine life, spoken in a clear, audible voice, in an earnest manner, without any effort of speech, would be edifying to others and a blessing to your own soul.
You need the softening, subduing influence of the Spirit of God upon your heart. No one should receive the idea that a correct knowledge of the truth alone will meet the demands of God. A love and good will that exists only when our ways are acknowledged by our friends as right, is of no real value, for this is natural to the unregenerate heart. Those who profess to be children of God and walking in the light should not feel annoyed or angered when their track is crossed.
You love the truth and are anxious for its advancement. You will be placed in various circumstances in order to try and prove you. You may develop a true Christian character if you will submit yourself to discipline. Your vital interests are at stake. What you most need is true holiness and a spirit of self-sacrifice. We may obtain a knowledge of the truth and read its most hidden mysteries, and even give our bodies to be burned for its sake; yet if we have not love and charity, we are as sounding brass and a tinkling cymbal.
Cultivate a disposition to esteem others better than yourself. Be less self-sufficient, less confident; cherish patience, forbearance, and brotherly love. Be ready to help the erring, and have pity and tender sympathy toward those who are weak. You need not leave your business in order to glorify the Lord; but you may, from day to day, in every deed and word, while pursuing your usual avocations, honor Him whom you serve, thereby influencing for the right those with whom you are brought in contact.
Be courteous, tenderhearted, forgiving toward others. Let self sink in the love of Jesus, that you may honor your Redeemer and do the work that He has appointed for you to do. How little you know of the heart trials of poor souls who have been bound in the chains of darkness and who lack resolution and moral power. Strive to understand the weakness of others. Help the needy, crucify self, and let Jesus take possession of your soul, in order that you may carry out the principles of truth in your daily life. Then will you be, as never before, a blessing to the church and to all those with whom you come in contact. 4T 125-133.